Monday, 1 May 2017

Gary Goodman

Hot Tub
I stood in the pub garden on my own
finished a cigarette and flicked the butt –
it arc-d beautifully for ages
in slow motion
and landed straight in the middle of an ashtray
another time
somebody Frisbee-ed a Jaffa cake towards me
I was in the studio
and it was about 10 metres distance
I caught it in my mouth
neither of these brilliant acheivements
were captured on film
and sent to You’ve Been Framed –
usually I feel like a wasp at a picnic
or a dead puppy at a school disco
so it would have been good for my ego
two girls on the train had been to a gig
they filmed it on their mobile phone
and replayed the whole show
on their nasty tinny harsh shriek devices
my ears were bleeding
and there seemed to be a weird
electrical wire fizzing in my brain
while this hideous noise was going on
they talked about going on holiday
and the main thing they were
basing their choice on
was whether there was a good hot tub
I wanted to flick burning cigarettes
and Jaffa cakes
into their stupid hot tub
I also wanted to cry
and there were about 100 stations
until my stop
Gary Goodman

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